Could we please have “The Investigation” sooner, rather than later, so we can get on with our lives?

This is being written on the 45^th day of the term of the 45^th president of these United States, and things are, as seems to be the new normal, all a’ twitter.

Over the last weekend, the communicator-in-chief took cell phone in hand and accused his predecessor of having ordered that #45’s crystal tower in New York City be “tapped,” as in wiretapped.

Not one scintilla of evidence was offered in support of the allegation, nor was the source of #45’s information identified. His beleaguered surrogates were left with the task of trying to walk back their boss’ accusation. Their gallant efforts were less than convincing, along the lines of “the president may have sources of information beyond those available to ordinary citizens, and if such sources exist, and if there is convincing evidence in support of the charge based on those sources, then it really could possibly be the most damaging story to hit the Beltway since Watergate.”

This is kind of like saying “if pigs could fly, there could possibly, maybe, be a whole bunch of pigs flying around, and if that happened, it could really be a bigly story.”

Well, as far as we know, pigs are still incapable of obtaining a pilot’s license, and those “sources available solely to the president” remain ominously anonymous.

If such classified information exists, then #45 breached security protocols by disclosing classified information. In common parlance, this is called a “leak.” If such information does not exist, then someone made it up, and #45 has swallowed it, hook, line, and sinker.

Either way, with these tweets, the current tenant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue has accused the prior tenant of committing a felony, since United States presidents do not legally have the power to order wiretaps of private citizens on their own authority.

Actually, the charge, should it remain unproven, fits within the definition of “slander per se,” which refers to “certain language that is actionable as slander in and of itself without proof of special damages, such as the case in which a person is falsely accused of committing a crime.”

Most folks, when they find themselves in manure, assuming they recognize that’s where they are, would plead they had consumed some bad borscht the night before, and quietly walk away from their faux pas, hoping no one had noticed.

Walking away is not the way #45 rolls. Instead, he has doubled down and demanded an investigation to follow up on his (so far unsubstantiated) charges.

Meanwhile, the opposition has been looking into Russian involvement in the last presidential election. The 16 or 17 federal agencies charged with protecting our national security are on record that such involvement occurred, and that the intent was to damage one presidential candidate while aiding the other.

Such interference is scandal enough, but what would really blow the lid off the pot is if proof of contact, collusion, or coordination between the favored candidate’s campaign operatives or surrogates and their Russian comrades were proven.

The opposition has been busily trying to connect the dots, and while there are some interesting lines being drawn, nothing definitive has come to light.

So they too are demanding an investigation.

Here are two sides that agree on nothing other than a demand for a full-blown investigation into their respective charges.

Why not give it to them?

Have Congress appoint special counsel and/or an independent bi-partisan committee outside of Congress, confer subpoena powers, and let the chips fall where they may.

In short, bring it on!

Such an approach worked after Watergate. It worked after 9/11.

Why not now?

There will be winners and losers, but if the decks were cleared to allow our government to govern as was intended under our Constitution, the biggest winner would be the American people.

And in the meantime, would some patriot surreptitiously disable you-know-who’s twitter machine?

Please?